Acceptance May Prolong Life

Young people may be intelligent but aged people are wise. A fool complains about what he cannot change. An intelligent youth ponders over it while a wise man accepts what cannot be changed without sacrificing any of his contentment or moral standards. This is a lofty goal which many of our elders have met.

“When older adults lose control as they move into residential care, they adapt and accept what cannot be changed in order to stay happy. According to a new study by Jaclyn Broadbent, Shikkiah de Quadros-Wander and Jane McGillivray from Deakin University in Australia, when it comes to satisfaction in later life the ability to accept what cannot be changed is as important as the feeling of being able to exert control.”

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Bath Salt Outperforms Meth

“Bath salts, the synthetic drug made infamous by incidents of psychotic “zombie” attacks, is more potent and potentially addictive than methamphetamine, a study has found…The study, published online Wednesday ahead of the August print edition of Neuropharmocology represents the most extensive examination to date of the effects of 3,4 methylenedioxypyrovalerone, or MDPV. The drug, marketed as “bath salts” and other names, is the latest generation of designer stimulants to hit the U.S. markets.”

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Does Running make you Smarter?

As a college sprinter my days were filled with long moments on the track pushing through hours upon hours of grueling workouts. Afterwards the team would engage in friendly yet competitive debates as to who was in better shape, the sprinters or the distance runners. With both sides fighting for their dominance the conversations usually ended in a stalemate, never coming to a firm conclusion as to who was better. Years later as I was resting after one of my morning runs I asked myself the question, does fitness play a part in the intelligence level an individual has? I then asked are distance runners smarter than sprinters?
Sprinting requires very short burst of energy to achieve the end result. Depending on the race, it could be over in 10 to 20 seconds. The amount of oxygen consumed in a sprint is insignificant compared to that of a runner who covers a 1500 meter distance or above. Physically, sprinters are in much better shape as, those short bursts aid in developing fast twitch muscles causing the individual to burn fat, this in turn enhances muscle tone.
Distance runners on the other hand due to their prolonged exposure to vast amounts of running intake more oxygen thereby supplying the brain. Though they may not have the physical build of a sprinter, the cardio endurance of a distance runner is far superior to that of the sprinter.
A Swedish study headed by Dr. Michael Nilsson a professor at the Sahlgrenska Academy and Chief physician at the Sahlgrenska Hospital found, a clear link between good physical fitness and better results for the IQ. The strongest link, he found was for logical thinking and verbal comprehension. However, only cardiovascular fitness played a role in the results for the IQ test-not strength.
Dr. Nilsson adds, being fit means that you have good heart and lung capacity and that your brain gets plenty of oxygen.
While I am careful not to draw conclusions, the data available shows that cardiovascular exercise can weigh heavily on an individual’s ability to think and learn. Healthy people tend to think health thoughts. While we may never answer the question are sprinters smarter than distance runners, we can safely say that prolonged exposure to exercise can affect the learning ability in people. To achieve the desired results, try combining both sprinting and distance running into your exercise routine. This can ensure you obtain your muscular physique and cardio endurance while supplying your brain with the much needed oxygen. The end result will be an individual who looks good, feels great and thinks intelligently.

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Hazelden- Thought For The Day

Bring Any Request to God

Bring any request you have to God.

No request is too large; none too small or insignificant.

How often we limit God by not bringing to God everything we want and need.

Do we need help getting our balance? Getting through the day?

Do we need help in a particular relationship? With a particular character defect? Attaining a character asset?

Do we need help making progress on a particular task that is challenging us? Do we need help with a feeling? Do we want to change a self-defeating belief that has been challenging us? Do we need information, an insight? Support? A friend?

Is there something in God’s Universe that would really bring us joy?

We can ask for it. We can ask God for whatever we want. Put the request in God’s hands, trusting it has been heard then let it go. Leave the decision to God.

Asking for what we want and need is taking care of ourselves. Trust that the Higher Power to whom we have turned over our life and will really does care about us and about what we want and need.

Today, I will ask my Higher Power for what I want and need. I will not demand-I will ask. Then I will let go.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written permission of the publisher.

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Conflict & Power Resolution

“The goal of an argument with your partner is not an apology, rather a willingness to relinquish power, say researchers. Power may be defined in many forms including giving a partner more independence, admitting faults, showing respect and being willing to compromise. The research, published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology is based on two studies of married or cohabitating people and build upon previous investigations by Keith Sanford, Ph.D.”

“Earlier studies of more than 3,500 married people found that there are just two basic types of underlying concerns that couples experience during conflicts: “perceived threat,” in which a person thinks that his or her status is threatened by a critical or demanding partner; and “perceived neglect,” in which an individual sees a partner as being disloyal or inattentive and showing a lack of investment in the relationship.”

Most of us want to gain in relationships; we never desire to lose anything and though it takes two to tango, we eventually settle on protecting our own best interests.

“When we feel criticized, we are likely to have underlying concerns about a perceived threat to status, and when that happens, we usually want a partner simply to disengage and back off” says Sanford.

Here, one needs to understand that “backing off” or wanting a person to back off is an easy display of passive or passive-aggressive behavior which eventually amounts to enabling a furtherance of the behavior needing to be changed in the first place.

Often, in sobriety circles there are hundreds of sayings and mantras that have been adopted by recovering addicts. One of my favorites is, “If Nothing Changes, Nothing Changes”. This means, in terms of relationships, that if we don’t change our behavior the relationship will not change nor will the people enact change. Unfortunately, most people see conflict as negative and avoid it at the cost of possible healthy outcomes.

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Saying “sorry” & meaning it

Saying sorry is so hard to do and receiving an apology can be just as difficult.

“The good news is there a method to apologizing that will not only allow your words to be heard, but also lead to emotional healing. The key is to learn how to ask for forgiveness that conveys the message of regret in a manner your significant needs to hear to accept your apology.” (Nancy Pina)

Read more here

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Where is my Brady Bunch?

Whether you’re married or single and dating, chances are, if you’re at least 25 or above, you most likely find yourself in a blended family or are heading down that perilous road, especially since so many of us tend to place less and less emphasis on birthing children in healthy marriages.

As a child I enjoyed watching the Brady Bunch but had no clue what the show was really about. As an adult revisiting many episodes makes me very perturbed. What was dating like before they got married? How did Mike and Carol meet and what do you suppose their responses were to each of them having three children from prior relationships? None of the episodes ever really touch on this, after all, it’s TV and TV isn’t supposed to be real right? ABC actually refused to allow any past history about Carol’s marriage to be included in the show. So…somebody somewhere felt this lifestyle wasn’t ever going to become a living reality for thousands of people.

If you’re like us, you too may do a dance with how to accommodate your spouse’s/partner’s children and the parents whom those children spring from. Here is a quick snippet about how to navigate through the perils of the blended family so many of us are faced with.

Categories: blended family, children, divorce, stress | Tags: , | 1 Comment

Work-Family Balance

“In a study the question “Do you have any regrets?” was asked to millionaires and high ranking executives who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness. Without fail the number one regret was that they didn’t spend more time with family. When asked their greatest joy, the answer was, “my family.” Read more.

My wife and I have been engaged in a discussion about the work-family balance for some time. Admittedly, I think I’m a borderline workaholic but I’m also responding to the obligation of a man to provide for, and take care of family. On my wife’s part, being a SAHM started off GREAT but soon turned into drudgery, monotony and unfulfilling obligations. We’ve coined this part of marriage “auto-marriage”.

Often, within these phases of being on autopilot, more important aspects of our adult marriages get postponed or set aside in favor of doing what we think are the things that have to be done. The obligations often override other needs that, as it turns out, are very important for healthy people to maintain healthy marriages.

In our case, for a long time increasing wealth on my part and protecting our children from harm trumped giving my wife a break from her “job” which, as it turned out, was just as stressful, if not more, than my jobs outside of the home. We both realized that we were overburdened and that we weren’t using our 336 weekly hours effectively for the health of the entire family unit. To be continued…


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Coping & Resilience

When times get hard for most of us, we go through an array of emotions and experience “stinking-thinking” for countless days about almost everything imaginable. But what about successful and resilient people? Surely they suffer defeats too but how do they cope? Here are several things they may do:

  1. They know their boundaries.
  2. They keep good company
  3. They cultivate self-awareness.
  4. They practice acceptance.
  5. They’re willing to sit in silence.
  6. They don’t have to have all the answers.
  7. They have a menu of self-care habits.
  8. They enlist their team.
  9. They consider the possibilities.
  10. They get out of their head.

Want to learn more? Check out The Art of Resilience.

Categories: positive psychology, stress | Leave a comment

A sure no-brainer!

“Catching mental illness and intervening earlier in childhood may heighten the likelihood of a better outcome in adulthood . The consequences of mental health problems for adults can be even more severe and taxing than physical ailments, getting in the way of successes, relationships and personal goals. Many psychological ailments can even lead to heightened medical risks. For example, chronic stress has been linked to an increased risk for heart disease.” Read more

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